Finding your Loving Kindness

Nurturing Positive States of Mind: A Gentle Effort Towards Change

To improve our mental health, we first need to cultivate an awareness of what’s happening in our minds. Through mindful presence, we can step back and observe the flow of our thoughts and emotions. This gentle practice helps us notice when negative states arise and opens the door to choosing a different path.

In my practice as a person-centred counsellor in North Dorset, I often work with clients to help them develop this mindful awareness. The person-centred approach emphasizes your natural capacity for growth, healing and change. Together, we explore the challenges you’re facing and nurture your intentions for positive transformation.

But meaningful change requires commitment. Therapy sessions provide the foundation, but the real transformation happens when clients actively engage with the work between sessions. Intentions for change are like seeds; they need consistent care, effort, determination and vigilance for growth to take root.

East Meets West: The Four Great Efforts

If clients wish I blend the insights of Eastern practices, such as mindfulness and meditation, with Western therapeutic approaches. In Buddhism, effort plays a central role in training the mind for transformation. The Four Great Efforts outline this process:

1. Encouraging the arising of positive states of mind

2. Sustaining positive states once they’ve arisen

3. Discouraging the arising of negative states of mind

4. Letting go of negative states if they do arise

   
   

The first step, cultivating positive states is especially important when dealing with a harsh inner critic that undermines confidence. At counselling with Rich, I often work with this inner voice, helping you to notice it, challenge it and replace it with kinder, more compassionate self-talk.

Loving Kindness Meditation: A Practice of Warmth and Compassion

One meditative technique that demonstrates the meeting of East and West is Loving Kindness Meditation. This simple yet profound practice invites us to spend a few minutes silently wishing others well. It complements the person-centred approach by encouraging empathy, compassion, and connection.

Before beginning, we bring to mind three individuals:

• Someone you deeply care for - a person who naturally evokes love and compassion.

• A neutral person - someone you may encounter in daily life but haven’t yet connected with deeply.

• A difficult person - someone who challenges you or evokes frustration.

  
  

In a quiet space, with eyes closed become aware of your breath gently entering and leaving the body. As you breathe in note that you are breathing in and as you breathe out note that you are breathing out. When your mild has settled, hold each person in your heart, one at a time. As you do, silently repeat phrases wishing them well. Traditional phrases often include:

• May you be well.

• May you live in peace.

• May you be free from suffering.

• May you live with ease.

  
  

The exact words do not matter as much as the intention behind them. Focus on generating a genuine feeling of warmth and friendliness. Spend a minute or two (or longer if you wish) with each individual, cultivating this heartfelt wish for their wellbeing. To finish, turn your awareness inwards towards yourself and picturing yourself being gently held in your heart, once again repeat the phrases. As you end, be aware of the sounds in the room and the sensations in your body, before gently opening your eyes.

The Quiet Ripple of Loving Kindness

Over time, the benefits of Loving Kindness Meditation begin to blossom. Feelings of animosity naturally diminish, and positive states of mind arise more easily, not just during meditation but in everyday life. Encounters with others become smoother, and warmth towards people, even strangers, becomes second nature.

Remarkably, you may find it challenging to identify a "difficult person" for your practice as old grievances dissolve. This shift not only lightens your emotional load but also creates a sense of ease in your relationships and interactions.

Making the Effort

Carving out a few minutes each day for this practice can feel like a small but significant act of self-care. By doing so, you nurture your heart and mind, planting seeds of compassion and watering them regularly. The result is a more open and harmonious way of being that naturally infuses your daily life.

Living in North Dorset, the countryside often inspires moments of mindfulness and reflection. By combining these moments of natural beauty with practices like Loving Kindness and the person-centred counselling ethos, we create a space for healing where East truly meets West.

In an upcoming blog, I’ll explore how to create phrases for Self-Compassion and how to adapt Loving Kindness phrases for moments when formal meditation isn’t possible. For now, consider taking this small step each day to gently warm your heart and nurture positive change.